Putting yourself in Harms Way
It occurred to me as I was walking down the street just the other day that I have come a long way from the person I used to be, back then for reasons unknown I started to let people treat me badly, for years I would allow myself to be verbally abused I would put up with all sorts of bullying and controlling behaviour from people who professed to be partners, family or friends. Without going into too many details it was something in fact that I lived with for quite some time and somehow it became the new normal, I guess I just gradually accepted it as time went by.
It is very hard to understand looking now through the eyes of thankfully who I am today WHAT actually happened to me at that point in my life and HOW it happened. I still cringe at the memory of it all but I do know now that I definitely didn’t choose to put myself in that position. Abuse is a slow insidious gradual thing that seems to creep in when your not looking little by little it grows stronger as your resolve weakens. We believe that those initial red flags that we notice but purposefully sweep under the carpet and give excuses for in the early stages of abusive relationships are possibly in our own heads or that these people don’t really mean what they are saying or doing.
On our behalves It often comes down a lack of self worth or a lack belief in our own judgment and opinions which equates to self doubt and vulnerability with a huge pinch of sensitivity! The “Bully” or the “Abuser” in the relationship sees our weakness and takes advantage of it. Meanwhile we keep thinking we can fix these people, but in the end we just end up loosing ourselves.
Some of the reasons we stay in “Harms Way” are that perhaps that we’re afraid to be alone or that we are financially limited, perhaps it’s pride that holds us back afraid of what our friends may think or possibly the fear of loosing status we’ve achieved of accumulated wealth, the ownership of things, property or position that we just can’t live without or perhaps it’s just that we’re still stuck on that same old merry go round believing that a miracle will happen and that all the Abuse will just magically disappear one day…Trust me unless someone wants to change and seeks out some serious help for themselves there is nothing you or I can do that will make the Abuse stop! other than to walk away.
In hindsight if I where to ask my old self a few honest questions these are the results I would get based on what I know now.
Will this relationship get any better…….NO
How many years will I waste trying to make it work ….TEN
Will it effect my health, my career and my mental health …YES
Was it worth it …..NO
As much as we tell ourselves that we are stuck in our present circumstances it’s not true, we do have choices there is a lot of help out there. Its time to arm yourself with some positive steps in the right direction, surround yourself with supportive loving friends, go and seek out some free counselling services through your GP and seek out some government based financial assistance if necessary.
There is no excuse for abuse believe me there is a life beyond where you are right now that is filled with that peace of mind kind of feeling that comes to you when everything is as it should be in your world. Trust me I know because it really did occur to me on the walk that I took on that day that that is exactly how I feel and where I am today.